Belated tears

I'm feeling rather sad. My brother left us for Japan on Monday night on a scholarship to study medicine. All the months leading up to Monday night was full of preparation for him to leave - buying his things, sending an advanced package, etc. I wasn't really involved in it, because I was way too busy with school work. I hadn't even bought him a farewell gift. Yes, yes, I'm a terrible sister, but I didn't know what to buy for him that he didn't already have. I didn't want to get him some useless trinket he'll leave behind because there isn't any more space in his luggage.

My mom had a farewell dinner for him, inviting all my relatives from her side of the family on the Saturday night the week before. Two of my brother's friends were invited too. My relatives on my father's side are all in Penang, so of course they couldn't join in. It's not like we're all that close to our cousins, actually. My mom had the dinner because (according to a reliable source) my maternal grandmother gave him a huge ang pow and my mom wanted to show her appreciation. The ang pow still couldn't beat my two aunts from Penang though, who bought him a brand new laptop.

My relatives came down from Penang on Sunday to send him off - the aforesaid two aunts and my paternal grandmother. At my suggestion we all went out for dinner on Sunday night. (Was surprised this wasn't thought of earlier, actually. You'd have thought that when your only son is about to leave the country for about seven years, you'd like to have one more nice dinner as a family.)

We all drove to KLIA to bid him farewell. The same two friends who came to the dinner came over to KLIA to send him off too. I thought it was really nice of them to do that. We whiled the hours away sitting around and trying to finish up the film in my mom's camera (yes! She's still on that old thing. I told her she should have told me to bring my digital camera).

When it was time for him to leave, we each gave him a hug except for my father who was kayu as usual. I was surprised that my grandmother didn't cry. No one did. Not there, anyway.

I haven't been close to my brother since I came back from university. I missed four of his vital school years when I was at university. We were very close when we were younger though. We used to fight a lot too. And he was such a chatterbox when he was a kid. When he was older he was much more reserved.

It just didn't hit me how much I'd miss him even though we weren't exactly close, but at least he was around. It was only when I came home just now and I suddenly noticed he's not at his usual spot in front of his PC. Strange, isn't it?

So... that leaves me alone here in Malaysia. My sister is in UK and my brother is in Japan. Maybe I should go to another country too...